you catch a lot of flies with honey, but you catch more honeys being fly
don’t underestimate me. i’ll wear sweaters in the summer. i’ll eat like eighteen gallons of ice cream in the winter. fuck the temperature. i don’t give a fuck
This Anna Kendrick Little Mermaid SNL sketch is impossible to find (NBC ran into some legal issues with Disney)… watch while you can!
she reaches down seductively. I guide her hand to my zipper. she unzips my fanny pack by mistake. raviolis spill out everywhere
Lifehack: Accidentally text the wrong person? Immediately put your phone on airplane mode and once it fails to deliver, delete the message.
This can save lives
WAIT IS IT ACTUALLY GENUINELY A THING THAT AMERICANS DON’T HAVE KETTLES?
BUT THEN HOW DO THEY MAKE TEA?!
by throwing it into the harbor
Reasons why im a bad friend:
• i get too attached
• i will complain about all my problems to you
• i will snap at you by accident one day, causing you to hate me
• i need to be reassured
periodicallyCONSTANTLY that you dont think im annoying
• i am annoying
• im boring
• i dont know how to keep the conversation going
• i get emotional after midnight and will probably tell you something that could make you think differently of me